You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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