fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
