Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I need to stop coming to work sober
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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