bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
