i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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