So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
