so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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