i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
