I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When are your genitals available?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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