I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
