I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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