why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
