Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
