Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
