First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
