i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
