My Higher Power is John Stamos
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize