Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
