Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
