we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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