I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
