Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
