my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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