Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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