drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
