At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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