oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
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I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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