I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize