just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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