the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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