I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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