Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
