Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
