I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
