I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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