My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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