haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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