Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
and she was petting her beer can
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
