She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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