You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
