conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
