Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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