One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
