Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
