I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
