I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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