i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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