I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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