everyone is single if you try hard enough
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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