Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
