This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
