unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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