my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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