The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
