the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
