i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
