I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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