You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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