I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
