Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
