Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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