I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
