pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
