I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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