A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize